Author: Karolyn Gray <kmgray3@aol.com>
ScifiBB/Chat Handle: Gray3
Type: Vignette/Episode Addition
Rating: G
Synopsis: D'Argo's thoughts after Aeryn 'dies'.
Spoilers: Die Me Dichotomy.
Archiving: Yes
Disclaimers: All Farscape names, characters and other related indicia are the property of Jim Henson Productions, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Networks Australia, the Scifi Channel and all associated parties. No copyright infringement is intended.
Note: This vignette has not been beta read.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Hollow Eyes
by Karolyn Gray
February 09 2001
I see him there. A small dark spec upon the pale, glittering ice covered lake that grows larger and more discernable as the pod descends to a safe landing zone. My anger spikes; rage filling my once sorrow numbed senses. A rage so overwhelming that at the slight shudder I feel of the pod's landing I burst from the craft, ignoring the calls of the others.
The icy wind slices through my clothing as if I were naked but my rage allows me to ignore the growing chill of my body. I can smell him now; an all too familiar scent that now fuels my anger to new heights. I charge across the vast expanse of ice and snow, heedless that I may be placing myself and the others in danger. My intent is clear: to kill.
I slow as I reach his immobile form, hoping he will resist for it would make what I am about to do even more justified. But he remains unnaturally still; there is only the fluttering of his long coat snapping around his legs. Not even a trail of mist in the cold air to indicate the passage of much needed oxygen to and from his lungs to indicate life. There is only stillness in the face of my rage.
I roughly yank him around to face me, a part of me still willing to give him the honor of seeing who executed him. He stumbles slightly, catching himself before he falls to the ice but makes no move against me. The stumble is enough though. The fact that he still moves while Aeryn does not is all the reason I need. I pull back my arm fully intent to strike him over and over until the rage is gone.
And then I see...
My arm lowers in fear. Not of him. But his eyes. Those hollow, terrifyingly empty eyes. Dull blue eyes that do not waver as they look at me, into me, beyond me. Those eyes that see some point, some vast terrible horizon that as a warrior I should not fear. I release my grip on him, noting an ever so slight shift in his gaze, questioning me. As soon as I am certain I see this it is gone, replaced by the haunting emptiness that I realize was once his soul.
I step back aware of the others now approaching, but I do not turn to face them. Instead I watch this pale, shadow of a man before me return his gaze to the shattered and cracked ice nearby and the dark, watery hole that marked Aeryn's descent. I see understanding in his empty expression, a dark wisdom, a knowledge of things that no one could imagine let alone should know.
The others seem to sense this as well as they approach, their every move calculated to be calming, as if they are afraid of awakening some unimaginable creature that will devour us all. As I watch the human submissively accept the shackles Zhaan brought, his lips twist briefly into a smile that is anything but pleasant. I realize then that perhaps they are not so far from the truth.
*****
I silently watch her still form now, resting in the cryogenic tube. Resting. Why am I deluding myself? She is gone. We would not be doing this ceremony if Aeryn were alive. I would not be giving my qualta blade to a noble warrior in this manner unless they were gone from this life. Neither would Rygel give up his seal of office, nor would Zhaan solemnly intone her benediction.
As the last of Zhaan's prayers end I realize that for the first time in arns a new voice joins ours in completing the prayer. He has been silent for so long, I was secretly sure that he would never speak again. His mind shattered as much as his spirit.
He shuffles forward, his face still terribly empty of everything but misery. Those blue eyes- empty as he stares at Aeryn's still form. I wonder briefly what he is thinking and soon I am rewarded for this thought with his request for my knife.
The others look startled, almost panicked even, by his request. I hesitate, not from concern that he would harm us as I see in the others expressions. No, I hesitate for my concern of what he may do to himself. I never understood the concept of suicide or why one would consider such drastic measures until these last few arns with the human. He asks for the blade again, almost demanding.
This time I do not hesitate as I pull the blade and hand it over to him. He is my ally. My friend. If it is his wish to die, then it is not for me to deny what ever it is he feels that he needs to do. I can only accept his decision and hope that my faith in him is justified.
It is.
He leans over Aeryn for a few microts, whispering, and then stands straight again, a lock of her hair in his hands. For a moment, he looks at the knife with an expression that makes me question my decision to give him the blade. But just as quickly as the expression came, it passes and he announces that he is ready for the procedure that will rid him of that accursed chip.
He asks us to leave, not wishing to burden us further by asking us to remain with him for the procedure. The others readily agree, almost eager to be out of the humans presence. This angers a part of me, despite understanding their reasons. He has always been there for us. It is wrong that we now abandon him because of our own insecurities and fears. I turn to announce that I am going to remain with my ally, my friend, but he stops me. Not with words or gestures, but with a simple glance. He nods once to me and turns away.
I remain there until I can no longer see his retreating form in the passageway before I turn to rejoin the others waiting at the transport pod. I am tired but I know already that I will not rest tonight for my dreams will be haunted by those eyes.
Those hollow eyes.