Title: Lightbulb 5
Author: B5Crusader@geocities.com & Friends Date: 09-18-97
Notes/Dedication: The following humorous piece (or not so humorous, depending upon your opinion) is the result of a four hour Babylon 5 marathon while playing the Babylon 5 Drinking Game and having a lightbulb burn out fifteen minutes into the first episode of the Marathon as well as being unable to find a flashlight with a working battery. This is definitely the infamous B5 Lightbulbs joke taken too far (and luckily not complete). But enjoy...bwahahaha. :)
All criticism and suggestions are welcome, but please do not send any Flarn ala Sheridan. :)
Episodes:
Pilot The Installation
The Vorlon Representative of GE is nearly killed when he is electruced while replacing a lightbulb.
Assassin to Sinclair: "There is no filament in you Lightbulbs"
Season 1 "Signs and Lighbulbs"
Midnight without a Night Light
The hunt is on to stop raiders from stealing more Lightbulbs, while the Narn capture a major Centauri Lightbulb factory.
Bulb Hunter
A lightbulb collector comes to the station, looking to steal important filaments.
Born to the Lightbulb
Londo looses his flashlight in Downbelow and Sinclair agrees to help him get it back with the help of Talia Winters, liscensed and certified GE repair woman.
Filaments
An Alien Lightbulb is smuggled on the station and starts causing blackouts.When it realizes what it has done, it burns itself out.
The Filaments of Lightbulbs
A week long Lightbulb manufacturing conference of all the different races occur on the station.
Delenn: "Will you follow me into fire. Into Storm. Into Darkness. Into Death. And the Nine asked: Do we get a nifty nightlight?"
Light War
A rogue GE Lightbulb designer arrives on station with a powerful new lightbulb, with the Lightkooks hot on his trail.
Lightkook Bester (in cheesy russian accent): "Ve are looking vor lightbulbs."
And the Sky full of Lightbulbs
The Battle of the Lightbulb, the final battle of the Earth-Minbari War.
Sinclair to Delenn (while being scanned by triluminary): "Hnh hnh...cool flashlight...Hnh hnh. Can I get one?"
Darkwalker
An Alien arrives on the station with yet another super lightbulb that will last forever if it doesn't destroy the universe and send everyone strait to hell, 'cause anything that comes to the station is on the verge of sending you, me, and the universe strait to hell..
Kosh: "You are not ready for Lightbulbs"
Kosh:"For one to see light they must turn on the switch"
[Believers]
Another bunch of aliens with a dying lightbulb come to Lightbulb 5 for help. [But the station doe not go to hell this time. Too bad..it's a nice recurring theme. ;) ]
Shonn: "You are not of the filament."
Delenn: "We Minbari also have a special understanding with the Lightbulb."
Londo: "Just how many filaments can you afford."
[Survivors]
Fanatical pro-Earth lightbulb users try to frame Garibaldi in a plot to assassinate the president of GE. Garibaldi falls back into his dark habit of burning out lightbulbs.
By Any Lightbulb Necessary
The dockworkers go on strike when their lightbulbs start burning out.
Sinclair to dockworkers: "I'm reallocating a million credits from the stations defense budget to buying lightbulbs and nightlights."
Sinclair to Zento: "Never give a man a nightlight unless you're sure where he'll plug it in. Your mistake."
Signs and Lightbulbs
GE
[Grail]
[Eyes]
[Legacies]
The body of Minbar's greatest lightbulb designer disappears on Station.
The Earth-Minari War was a terrible accident. The Earthers destroyed the Minbari's most prized lightbulb...oh and electricuted the repairman maintaining it, Dukhat.
A Flashlight in the Wilderness, Part 1
Strange happenings on Epsilon 3 prompt Sinclair and Ivanova to check it out, but they forget their extra batteries. They find a new source for powerful lightbulbs (Again).
A Flashlight in the Wilderness, Part 2 (In Need of Batteries)
Everyone fights over the new source of Lightbulbs while Draal replaces the Great Machine's batteries.
Square Lightbulbs
When transmissions arrive from the lost Lightbulb 4 station, Sinclair and Garibaldi investigate.
Zathras: "No...no...not the One. Not The One."
Sinclair: "Not the one what?"
Zathras: "Not the GE repair man..no...no..."
The Quality of Lightbulbs
Doc Franklin discovers a woman in down below using a strange Alien Lightbulb.
[Chrysalis]
Betrayal, murder, attempted murder, secrets, cover ups, stolen lightbulbs and of course BOOM! What more could you want?
Sinclair (upon seeing Delenn's Chrysalis): "Cool Nightlight. Can I get one?"
Season 2 "The Coming of Lightbulbs"
Points of Light
Captain John J. Sheridan arrives on station to replace Commander Sinclair. Sheridan "the LightbulbKiller" is not welcomed by the Minbari for his destroying the Minbari's Blackstar, which carried a number of their finest Lightbulbs.
Illuminations
Sheridans sister arrives on station with an important message and his favorite nightlight. Delenn resumes her place on the Council.
The Geometry of Lightbulbs
Trouble arises when the Drazi start fighting over green and purple light bulbs and the Techno-mages plan on leaving with their secret lightbulbs.
Elric: "Do not try the patience of repairmen for they are likely to leave you a big bill."
A Distant Bulb
The Cortez gets lost in hyperspace when their only nightlight burns out and a rescue attempt is made.
The Long Blackout
An ancient Earth explorer ship arrives at the station along with a Soldier of Darkness bent on stealing all the lightbulb for use at Z'Ha'Dum.
Lightbulb in the Web
The Lightkooks send an assassin to the station to stop a plan to mass produce martian lightbulbs, a threat to GE's dominance on the planet.
A Race through Bulb Factories
Lightkook Bester arrives on station to shut down the illegal lightbulb factory said to be on station. Delenn asks Sheridan to dinner where they discuss everything but lightbulbs.
[Soul Mates]
The Coming of Lightbulbs
The Centauri Emporer comes to Babylon 5 to make peace for destroying the Narns Lightbulbs, but dies. A war ensues between the Narn and Centauri after the Shadows destroy a ligtbulb factory in Quadrant 14. Sinclair has a message for Garibaldi.
Sinclair to Garibaldi: "Watch of for Lightbulbs, they burnout when you aren't looking at them."
[GROPOS]
All Alone Without A Lightbulb
[Acts of Sacrifice]
[Hunter, Prey]
There All The Lightbulbs Lie
And Now For A Lightbulb
[Knives]
In The Lightbulbs of Z'Ha'Dum
Confessions of Lightbulbs
Divided Lightbulbs
[The Long, Twilight Strugle] (To Find A Lightbulb}
Comes the Installer
[The Fall of Night]
Season 3 "Point of No Lightbulbs"
Matters of Lightbulbs
[Convictions]
A Day in the Light
Lightbulbs Without End, Part 1
Lightbulbs Without End , Part 2
Season 4 "No Lightbulbs, No Retreat"
Hey I did warn you about these jokes!! Be glad they were never completed. :-)